Real Housewife of Rhinebeck

real world. real housewifery. or something like that.

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Does the Bank Take Payment in the Form of Hopes and Dreams?

I didn’t realize it had been quite so long since I had posted. When I started I was like oh, I’ll have plenty of things to write about! I have to say that the past two weeks haven’t been all that exciting. I’ve been too busy worrying about when we’re going to hear about our loan (it’s been two weeks since the appraisal, people, you’re killing me!), how I’m going to pay for all of the bills that seem to never stop piling up (this is when having a self-employed husband sucks!), and the looming (scary and exciting) trying to conceive. That, on top of all of the other things bouncing around in my head. I often wonder how I ever manage to get to sleep at night because my mind races so much.

The stress about the loan isn’t going to go away until the house is done, this I know. I’m dying to know if we’re approved or not. But once I find out it will only be a short reprieve. Once we get a”yes” we can order the house and that only takes six to eight weeks to build. So that means T has six to eight weeks to get all the excavating done and build the foundation. And what it really means is he has six to eight weekends to do it in. We can not afford for T to not work for two weeks to bang it out. If he doesn’t work then jobs don’t get done and we don’t get paid and I can’t pay the bills. Luckily, we have many friends who built things that didn’t fall down are skilled in trades of this type who will gladly work for free beer. So, theoretically, they should be able to get the work done in the allotted time frame, unless of course, they consume beer at the rate of 16 year olds (which is likely) and then we’re all doomed.

Once they’re done and the house gets dropped, I’ll have to impatiently wait to paint and move in. Hopefully, T will allow me to pick out things myself and then we don’t have to bicker over silly things like ivory versus eggshell. We’ll leave that to me and my mother. Of course that leads to other issues. I will have a house with nothing to put in it! We have unmatching bedroom furniture — we each have a dresser that are left overs from deceased relatives that we’ve had since college.  We have his sister’s old stained (stained like ruined, not stained like looks like fresh lumber) kitchen table, and his mother’s old scratched coffee table. The one nice thing we have is our couch. The one thing we bought with our wedding money (I have no idea what happened to the rest). But in our nice, new, much bigger place it will need a companion! Also, I will have a formal dining room. T tells me that if we host Thanksgiving or Christmas we can put plywood on saw horses. I am not amused.

I’ve also been fretting quite a bit when it comes to money. Who doesn’t? This is when I realize I am my parents’ child. While I am organized, efficient, and cheap thrifty  when it comes to our finances, like my father, when things get tight, I panic, freak out, and think we’re going to starve, like my mother. This creates a problem. I am at constant battle with myself. I look at my list and say, ok, it’s the beginning of the season, so it’s slow and it will be tight, but slow and stready wins the race. Then three hours later, I’ll look at it again and burst into tears, crying out how will we ever get all of this paid? The bigger problem with this is when it comes to T. He can not handle me when I am in crazy wife mode. When we sit down and have our “money chats” as I call them, I have to put on my cool, calm, collected business partner hat. Beligerent, sobbing wife hat does not have a place in the money chats. That hat makes its appearance and the whole thing goes to shit.

I will not get into the nitty, gritty of my financial woes, but I try to remind myself that we always manage to pay things and there are plenty of other people that are in the same boat or worse. But, having your own business is stressful and sometimes it makes me wish T just had a regular job and collected a paycheck every two weeks like me (except bigger, obvi). It’s hard when you get a check from a client and then you have to stretch it until the next one comes, which could be days, weeks, or months away. And you have to worry about taxes, insurance and all sorts of other bills. So on top of the taxes from 2011 that we have to pay, along with our other debts and monthly bills, we are trying to build a house. T likes to joke with me that my mother must have smoked crack while she was pregnant with me. At this point, I might believe him because why else would I be crazy enough to believe that we could do all of this and build a house. Oh wait! AND we want to have a baby! Wait, there’s more! T needs to buy a new tractor and dump truck! Are you fucking kidding me?! This is why we keep buying Mega Millions tickets (dammit, we didn’t win on Friday either!). Because I have BIG plans for theose millions. At least then I will be able to afford the taxes imposed on me. Otherwise, I have no idea. Why does everything have to be crammed into one year? I am not one who likes to borrow money or even pay a cent of interest, but sometimes I think there’s no other choice. I do not forsee how a house and a baby will financially allow us to get a tractor and/OR a drump truck without borrowing. And then I laugh because if we’re lucky enough to get approved for this loan, surely they will laugh in our face when we say oh wait, we want to finance a peice of equipment too.

Oh, and a baby. While I think I am ready to say, yes, let’s do this, it still scares me to death. I am on the baby train. I’m not sure if I am the conductor of this train yet though. If I woke up tomorrow and was pregnant, I would be overjoyed. But I tend to fret over and over about my big life decisions. But I make a big deal out of nothing most of the time. I have to micromanage everything (another trait of my father’s I thought I would never get. I always thought I was a go with the flow type of person. Turns out I was wrong). I have stopped taking my birth control. I even have an ovulation predictor chart (that I think I did for one day). But because I must read and analyze everything on, based on my last period, if I got pregnant now, my baby would have a due date of December 20th. Gross. No one wants a Christmas baby. Christmas is stressful enough as it is and then the poor kid would have to smush his/her birthday and Christmas into one month. Plus, winter birthdays suck because you can’t have fun outdoor birthday parties, like Slip N Slide.

Personally, I want a spring, summer or fall baby. My sister in law tells me it sucks to be pregnant in the summer. Again, I don’t like winter birthday parties. But alas, I listen to what my husband thinks is the voice of reason, him. He wants a winter baby because he will be home more in the winter, ergo he can help. Or at least that’s what he says. I also panic about what we will do with the baby since I will have to go back to work. My SIL And BIL are both cops, they work alternate hours, with the same days off. He is 8-4, she is 4-12. His sister comes and watches their kids for the lag time in the middle, but otherwise, usually, one of them is always home with the kids. We will not have this luxury. Well, I don’t really think 4-12 is a luxury, but you get what I mean. T and I both work during the day, he works basically from sun up to sun down and most Saturdays and even Sundays when necessary. I work random hours between 8 and 6 during the week and some Saturdays for most of the day. Who is going to watch our child? T says we can worry about this when the time comes. Shouldn’t we be worrying about this now?! I think so. My family lives two hours away, so they’re out. His mother often has to watch SIL’s kids and has her own little one as well as working in the summer months. I don’t like the idea of daycare all the time and frankly, if that happens, most of my paycheck will probably go to that.

On top of that, I constantly worry about what if we don’t get pregnant right away? What if I gain 80 pounds and can’t lose it? What if I have to go on bed rest? Or need a C section? Or puke every single day? Or something goes wrong?Or, or, or. I could go on for hours. How do I even know I will be a good mother? I like to think I will be. I’m a good mother to our dogs. But they are pretty self sufficient dogs. This is when the micromanager needs to get a grip and let things just happen. Actually, I need to let that happen in all aspects of my life. I know it’s going to be a bumpy road, whether it happens to be bumpy or I make it bumpy, I don’t know, but I know we’ll get there in the end. I hope.


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Barn vs Babies

Ahhh!! How nice to finally be able to get outside without a coat! I finally got back out and started walking again. It feels good to be out in the fresh air and being active. The roads I walk down are nice and peaceful, hardly any cars and there’s a nice lake I can walk by too. I saw a couple of swans today actually. And it’s not totally flat. There are flat parts, but a few nice rolly hills. It’s nice that I get out of work a little on the earlier side this week and thanks to daylight savings, it’s light out, so I can go out after work. I didn’t go all that far today as it’s my first day back and  T was home sick with a stomach flu and I have a tendency to get shin splints. Maybe my sneakers don’t fit right? Back when I was actually trying to lose weight I would do intervals of walking and jogging. I am not a runner. I never have and never will be, but I can jog for a stretch. I enjoy walking. I like being outside and hearing the birds and peepers and everything.

As much as I would like to try to lose weight, I just want to be healthy and more fit. It will help with my riding and help for pregnancy. My BMI is a little high, so if I could drop a few pounds before I get pregnant I’m sure that means that I could afford to gain more weight during the pregnancy. This is where I get conflicted. Especially at this time of year. It’s nice and wonderful and I just want to be outside. I spent my morning yesterday at the barn. I wasn’t even riding, I was just there, watching others ride, BSing with my trainer and I took my horse for a walk down the driveway. It makes me miss being there. The last few weeks I’ve only been riding once a week because I stopped my share board. Having a self-employed husband with a seasonal business and a winter with no snow all while hoping to build a house makes for a tight winter. I figured I’d stop my share board for a couple of months to help catch up on bills. However, I’ve been going to so many doctor appointments trying to figure out what my issues with my thyroid and allergies are (better to find out before I get pregnant!) and at $40 a co-pay for a specialist, you go through money fast when you have an appointment every week (or at least it feels like it!).

I miss being at the barn regularly during the week. Spring is coming (or here) so show season is coming. I’m on the show committee, so I’m involved with that. I get excited knowing I can ride outside pretty soon and work on all sorts of things. And then I remember we’re going to start trying soon. I want a baby. Believe me I do. I’ve always wanted one (or three) and it took me a long time to say yes I think I’m finally ready. T would have gotten me pregnant on our wedding night if I’d left it up to him. And I wrestled a long time with the fact that I’ll have to stop riding for, I don’t know, a year? I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. And over the last couple months I’ve decided I’m ready. But now the weather’s changing and I wonder how much I will miss. Is that selfish of me? Probably. I just don’t want to lose this part of me. I’ve been riding and at the barn since I was nine years old. I know it will only be maybe a year I won’t be able to ride and I can still be at the barn and visit and be involved, but I worry about afterwards. How am I supposed to balance being a wife, having a child and working full-time and still do something for myself? Not to mention afford, I of course have one of the most expensive hobbies. But it’s not just a hobby. It’s ingrained in me. I can’t imagine my life without it. I am not me without it. But I want a baby. We want a baby. I want to start a family, I want to be able to tell my parents they’re going to have a grandchild and tell my grandmothers they will have a great-grandchild. But I guess I will figure it out. I want my child to have something like that in their life too (hopefully ponies!). I’m always amazed at the woman who do this everyday. I know down the road I’ll figure everything out and it will all fall into place. I just have to bug out about everything up until that point.

For the time being, I can enjoy the wonderful weather and be at the barn as much as I can and take it day by day. I’m sure everything will fall right into place.

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Things I Realize I Could Be Doing Instead of Working

Today was my first day back at work after five glorious days off. The first day back is always the hardest. Going to bed knowing you have to get up in the morning and go back sucks. I’m not even going to get into how annoying it is to go back because of your obnoxious co-workers who flap their jaw all day long to the point where you can’t hear yourself think. That is upsetting enough in itself. And worthy enough of its own blog. (Yes, it’s really that bad.) But especially on days like today, when it’s really slow and you sit there wondering why you’re getting paid to sit there and basically do nothing because you’re waiting for someone to walk in.

In my five days off I got some pretty productive things done…

  1. Started spring cleaning (ie cleaning light fixtures, fans, hardcore dusting, vacuuming under furniture, etc… oh, is that supposed to be part of regular cleaning?)
  2. Reorganizing my bathroom cabinets and linen closet (yeah, yeah, this could be classified as spring cleaning, but it’s my list so shut up)
  3. Catching up on the hubster’s business doings. I do the books and all that jazz, so sometimes the filing sits in a pile on the desk for a month before I can’t stand looking at it anymore.
  4. Visited my family in Jersey. My brother was home from college for President’s Weekend so we swung down there for a quick visit. Of course hubaroo got put to work as the unsaid rule is he has to work for his food.
  5. Laundry. Done at my parents while visiting (just because I’m not in college anymore doesn’t mean I can’t save myself $40 at the laundromat)
  6. Rode horses. Not my horse, as his hocks are being injected (thank God), but one I used to ride all the time. Good rides. And since I had so much down time I cut his lion mane. No pulling for him as he’s likely to bite your face off or flip himself over on the cross ties. Feisty that one.
  7. Signed my life away for the mortgage application! Cross your fingers and toes and anything else you can cross! Hopefully we should hear in the next couple weeks!
  8. Doctor’s appointment. Finally got to the endocrinologist and got blood work done so we can figure out what the deal with my fucked up thyroid is.
  9. Took a pregnancy test. It was negative people, don’t get too excited. Didn’t think that was in the cards yet, but alas, the body plays some funny tricks on you. Soon. Hence all the doctor’s appointments!

Reasonably productive huh? I seemed to think so. There was a lot of downtime in there too though. Like minutes, or what probably amounted to hours, on Spotify and looking for rentals in case the bank fucks us and decides not to give us a loan so we can’t build, among other things. These are the things I think about while waiting for customers at work. If I’m sitting at work and no one is coming in, what could I be doing at home (which, dare I say, might, on certain days, or even just certain times of the day, be a more productive use of my time…)? I also often wonder what real housewives (not the Bravo ones, the ones who are actual housewives. Although, I do wonder about the Bravo ones…) are doing all day. I mean, I get stay at home moms. Obviously you’ve got little ones running around. I know you’re cooking and cleaning and food shopping and things of the like, but all day every day?

I remember my mom reading a lot of books. Believe me, she did her fair share of housework and such. She was a stay at home mom for the most part. She worked a few night and weekends at the mall when my sister and I were little and stayed home once she had my brother. Then when I was in high school and we were all in school all day she went back into retail and then got her realtor license. My mother in law has three kids aged 26-32 and then a six-year-old. So obviously she has things she’s doing during the day, but while the little one is at school all day, is she really cleaning and food shopping the whole time? During the summer she mows lawns during the day, but what about the winter?

After this long weekend I realized that I think I could actually fill most of the stay at home time with a lot of productiveness. I’m on the committee for our local horse show association and was just approached by the executive director about interest in being on the board for our barn’s foundation. So with all of the time I’m not cleaning, cooking or shopping (or mothering when the time comes), I could be doing that, which would certainly fulfill my need for doing things for myself.

Ultimately, when a little one does come around, I would LOVE to be able to stay home. I don’t want to throw my kid in daycare so I can work just to basically pay for daycare. And while I love my family, I don’t want someone else raising my kid. However, who knows how I’ll be able to do that. Being self-employed doesn’t make it easy for my husband to afford health insurance on his own (I get it through my work). And you can’t have kids without health insurance. At least I won’t. And until we can figure out how to do that, looks like I’ll be sitting waiting on customers for a while.

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Are These For My Horse?

I mean seriously? These look like pills I should be feeding to my horse. I understand that prenatal vitamins have lots of vitamins and minerals in them, but come on! I get it. I need to build up lots of good stuff like fish oil and folic acid and vitamin b12 and whatever the fuck pantothenic acid is to make a future smart and healthy baby. But who makes these?! Do they even pay attention to how big these are? I’m sure there are many dirty minds out there immediately wondering how these little pills are so hard to swallow. Hardy har har. Well let me tell you, this shit don’t go down easy. I have to drink about half a bottle of water to get each of these down. And we’re still months away from TTC! Then you have to take them during your whole pregnancy and then while breast feeding. So basically, I have over a year of taking these horse pills ahead of me. Oh and then after one comes two and then three. Couldn’t they have made these in like Advil size? I would gladly take four at a time if they were smaller. Perhaps medicinal technology will come around before I pop out numero uno, but until then my husband should practice the heimlich.

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Bleach Is The Enemy

Do you ever wonder if your husband hears you and just blatantly ignores you? I do. And I also think that sometimes, yes, he does. (Yeah, that Valentine’s Day crap wore off quick, huh?) I posted recently about how we can not clean the house together. Point in case, tonight. With all of the health issues I’ve been having (we thought I had fluid in my ears or nasal congestion that gave me swollen nasal passages and thus headaches and vertigo, now we think it’s an allergic reaction to mold, among other things) and the fact that I’m overly sensitive to smells especially harsh things like bleach as they give me splitting headaches. I have told him this repeatedly. Does he listen?

So, tonight we needed to clean again. So what is the hubs using? Bleach. Ok. I can put up with a bit of it. But spraying half the bottle in the shower? I had to turn on every fan in the house. And remember it’s February (not that the temperatures would make you believe that) so I can’t open the windows without freezing to death. Oh wait, and we live in a basement so I don’t have real windows anyway. So while I’m putting laundry away he keeps wondering why (and getting angry) that I keep laying down in between matching socks. Perhaps the throbbing pain under my eyes from my sinuses closing up and my head wanting to split open, you think he’d have a clue. At least I finished what I was doing and then finished vaccuuming. Now I just want to go to bed because I have such a bad headache.

Why does he continue to insist on using bleach then you ask? I don’t know either. This is why back in the day when men and women got married the woman stopped working and stayed home and did all of the cleaning herself. Thus, housewife. If I wasn’t stuck at work thinking of all of the things I could be doing at home I wouldn’t have to clean with my husband and be subjected to all of the bleach. What a far better housewife I could be. Or maybe I could get that maid…

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Everyday Is V Day

All week-long all people kept asking me was what I was doing for Valentine’s Day. I’m sure because I’m young (I work with folks older than me) everyone was certain I had exciting plans. “Nothing,” was my response to everyone’s queries. I really didn’t think about it. I didn’t even wear the obligatory pink or red this morning (that might have had to do with me oversleeping and just finding the nearest clean shirt). Cards are always mandatory between us. Birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day (and some times just because) always end up with a card. I like cards. I spend a lot of time picking one out. We also usually write little (or not so little) messages inside as well. So tonight after work I went to go pick up a card (yeah, yeah, last-minute, I know). I also picked up some of his favorite candies and bought some additional groceries. I then came home, did the dishes in the sink and prepared our meal. I made rigatoni and sausage and salad. I had a bottle of wine from Christmas that I had gotten at work, which after a sip we both realized we didn’t like. And I made brownies to go with the ice cream I bought. I gave him his card and candies and he gave me my card and flowers. Afterwards, he did the dishes and we talked and then sat down to watch tv. I watched Glee and he searched Ebay for dump trucks. We watched New Girl and Raising Hope. We let the dogs out and played with them and are now snuggled in bed. This is everyday for us (minus the cards I guess). We don’t need some holiday to tell us that we need to do things together. We don’t need to go squeeze into some fancy restaurant with 56465154 other couples, surrounded by pink heart balloons. This is all I want, every day. And it’s all I need.

In laundry updates… I did the laundry on Saturday… I did about 10-12 pairs of jeans (not pants, jeans, yeah, I had other pants too) and about 10 hoodies (just hoodies, not all sweatshirts) and about 15 or more t-shirts and I could go on… Remember we’re just two people. Again, that was Saturday. It is now Tuesday. I have about three or four new loads looking at me. Maybe for Valentine’s Day I could have gotten a maid…

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I Know It’s Saturday, But It Feels Like It’s Past My Bedtime…

Last night we went out to dinner (is it still considered dinner if it’s after 8pm?) with my brother in law and his new girlfriend (love). We had a glorious meal and didn’t get home until 11 something and tried to stay up for the repeat of Gold Rush. We failed miserably. I fell asleep almost instaneously and slept crappily all night. We woke up this morning (early than I would have liked) and bummed around in bed before I got up to make breakfast. I then trekked off to the dreaded laundromat. I then realized I would have an amazing post about the laundromat and sat in my car waiting for my seven dryers and started blogging on my phone. After two hours of waiting for machines to finish, folding piping hot clothes (I don’t know if the pile had a bottom…), and trying to avoid eye contact with the weird old man who kept talking to everyone, I had to rush home to change to go to the barn for my lesson. Afterwords, I then watched the YouTube video of the dad shooting his daughter’s laptop (that is like a whole post in itself) with my trainer, and then headed over to my inlaws where my husband was helping spackle since they are repainting. We then spent I don’t even know how many hours over there BSing and hanging out.

So now that we’ve settled into bed and I readied myself to finish the post on my phone, it disappeared and I can’t find it. I haven’t really gotten the hang of WordPress on my phone yet. Of course, you can never repeat the original hilarity. And certainly not now at 11:50pm. I was also going to take a picture of all of the laundry I did and actually count how many pairs of jeans and sweatshirts I did today, but alas I am too tired and lazy right now. But it’s Saturday, you say! However could I be so tired when all I did was 0938596785678394739847 loads of laundry and managed not to fall off a spicy, red-headed Thoroughbred? I don’t know either. Apparently I am an old 26. My husband has been asleep for about half an hour already. He must be an old 32. I think I’m one of the oldest young people I know. We’re much more lively in the summer. I promise.

Look for Tales from the Laundromat (attempt #2) tomorrow!